When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
