There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
