before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
