and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he fucked my hip out of place.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
