OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
