Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
