Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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