grandma shit on top of the toilet
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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