so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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