I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
