Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
