Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Found the puke drawer
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
