Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
cat food counts as protein by the way
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
