And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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