New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
