all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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