Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
