i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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