I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
