ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
