I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
