i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Ketchup is God's man juice
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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