Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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