I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
