From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
