yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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