Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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