if you like me you must not know who I am
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
