I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
