"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
