I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
