Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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