I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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