So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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