I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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