see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
