My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
