Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
