i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
