I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's shark week go big or go home
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
