I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The Olympian is in my bed
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
