I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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