you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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