goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
