i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
