Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
