She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
