He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
