Someone shit on the floor
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
