Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
