We're like a lot better than the average bears
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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