and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
