Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I smell stomach acid.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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