I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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