And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
