I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
