there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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