I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
