I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
